What if?

My oldest is really on a kick about moving to (or visiting) the majestic lands of Indonesia when she is free.  I love that she has taken an interest in new cultures and people, and it's pretty cool to hear her trying to speak in the potpourri of languages that is Indonesian.

The funny part is that she keeps trying to convince her family that it's so cool!  The clothes are quaint, the houses are big and cheap, the boys aren't allowed to be seen in public with girls!  Interesting stuff, I suppose.

Today, the selling point was the public toilets in Indonesia.

The above photo is actually an "upscale" model.

Directions (for American tourists):
1. Remove pants.
2. Squat over toilet and "let yourself go" (I'm not kidding, it really says that on one sign).
3. Use bucket to collect water from basin.  Clean yourself and toilet area with water.
4. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Note the handy ashtrays.  The only thing missing is a magazine rack.  Suspended from the ceiling to prevent, well, whatever.

The fancy model below has a hose you can use to clean yourself and fill the bucket.  Nice!

Being a responsible parent, I had to ask some questions for her to think about.  Perhaps you can ponder these as well, as you plan your next vacation to beautiful Jakarta.

• What if you  have bad knees?
• What if you have the runs?
• What if the person before you didn't do a very good clean-up job?
• Will your pants get wet?
• What if you slip on the mess?
• If you get "stuff" on your clothes, is it okay to use the hose to launder them?
• If so, should you disrobe or wash them as they are?
• Will people laugh at you?
• What is the splash potential?
• What if you are in a wheelchair?
• Does the toilet double as a car wash?
• Can people in the other stalls hear your ordeal?
• What is the maximum amount of time you may spend in a toilet?
• Cause this seems like it would take forever.

The instructions explicitly forbid the use of toilet paper, since it will clog the plumbing.  What if the person before you didn't know that (another American tourist)?  What if the drain is clogged and the hose begins to fill the stall?  Then you'd literally be swimming in sh...okay, I'll stop.

My daughter tells me that the houses (some of them) have normal toilets.  Let's hope so.  Otherwise the flood insurance could get pricey.